arkiep

[Catie]
So last night was brilliant great EVERYTHING I EVER DREAMED fun. We should do it again.

[Barry/Felix/Dante/Levi]
Best. Week. Ever.
[/end]

I have a hard time believing I stole the noble task of cleaning up owl shit from anyone.

[Warded to Friends (Excluding Gwen) and Gwen's friends]

Right, so I may have MOMENTARILY forgot Gwen's welcome home party. Some people INFORM others when they're coming back into the country.

Okay, she might have told me a date but I am busy and need REMINDERS, people. Cancel your plans for Saturday night. We are getting drunk and eating pizza at my flat in honor of her return. Try not to swoon in excitement.

If you miss it, we'll assume it's because you hate her.

[Barry/Dante/Felix/Levi]
GENTLEMEN!

I never thought I would be saying this, but I need your help. Desperately. In exactly nine days is my 3 month anniversary dating Catie. THREE MONTHS! If I ever want to get past second bas make it to four I need to do something special. Very special. We're talking romantic, gentlemen. So, suggestions?

[Nic]
Hello, guru.

I have not bothered you for advice for quite some time and I want to make sure you're not rusty. What do women want for a three month dating anniversary? You DO keep track of this shit, don't you?

[Catie]
Are you doing anything next Thursday? If not, you now have plans.
[end]

Rufus made a friend! ( His name is Wilbur.  )

Shocking news. Very dramatic. [edited in after this]Old Purist Pureblood is a Death Eater. Shock, gasp, horror. Bravo for finding him and keeping our streets safe.

MORE IMPORTANTLY!

I'm looking for broads women ages 18-67 who are single and not into freaky shit. Okay, some freaky stuff is okay but nothing involving animals or anything that you'll have to see a healer about afterwards.

This is not for me. Obviously.

[Catie]
I'm being a good friend. That's all.

NINETEEN!

Excuse me, I have seven six more drinks until I've reached good luck for the year.

[Levi/Dante/Felix]
Major SECO THIRD OKAY SECOND BASE action and it wa

BOOBS ARE FANTASTIC!

[Catie]
You can't be offended by any of the clothing I wear for the next week. It's not my fault your friend has immature taste in t-shirts. I would throw them out, but I wouldn't want to be rude.

[Dante/Levi/Felix]

MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

I am meeting the FAMILY. The whole entire family including AUNTS AND UNCLES. FOR A RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY. I can't speak YIDDISH. I can't NOT laugh at Yiddish. DO YOU THINK A TINY HAT IS GOING TO FIT ON THIS FRO? I'm going to need a personality transplant STAT because there is no way I am not FUCKED.

YOU CAN TEACH ME TO SPIN A DRADLE? I NEED SOMETHING TO RELATE TO THEM.


Wait. I am part of an oppressed people. MAYBE I CAN DO THIS!

INVADERS!!!

[added after 8pm]

Way to jinx us, Nic. I TOLD you I'd survive an attack. I didn't even trip anyone! In fact, I used myself as human bait as other people did the scary work I helped lure zom Inferi into a book store. I figured it was the easiest to set alight. Not that I DID!

Catie:
How are you feeling? That was a bit mental.

Friends:
None of you were used as an appetizer, right?

Don't be fooled. This little shit is why I have SCARS.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you wanted to see me naked all you had to do was ask.

( Wave those wands! )

[Levi/Dante/Felix]
Oi, you lot have tricked females into liking you. When do they become your girlfriend? Does it just happen or do you have to ask? If you have to ask, what is the appropriate date number to breach that topic?

This isn't one of those things that requires presents, is it?
[/end]

[Addie]
I need female advice. HELP!
[/end]

[Catie]
My mum wants to meet you. She thinks I made you up. I showed her a picture but that just caused her to laugh harder.

I think she's starting to go mental. All signs point to it.
[/end]

The cafe down the street is serving TURTLE SOUP? Who eats turtles? They do nothing but love and you EAT them? I am staging a rescue mission. Who is with me?

[Catie PRIVATE]
Right. So I waited to required 48ish hours to speak to you again so that I don't look desperate or needy.

[Catie PRIVATE]
Hey girl!
Hey GIRL!
HEY girl!
Hey.

[Catie PRIVATE]
My parents are going to visit the family in Greece and my mum has a stellar boxed wine collection if you wa

My parents are going to visit the family in Greece and my mum has a stellar wine collection if you wanted to

[Catie]
Hey! So, I had a blast the other night. We should do it again with just us sometime.

[Nic]
WHAT IS MY STATUS REPORT?

Considering everyone seems to be dropping like FLIES I thought it was best to go ahead and pick a valentine. The lucky winner of this year's date is:

LEVI WARWICK!*

*Bring the bottle

[Felix/Dante/Levi]
Fuck you lot, I got HONEST REPLIES from the Valentine's thing already. Note: you never said they had to be from humans or females. I'll even show you the applications. Time to pay up.
[Nic]
I have a DATE with CATIE. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF KEEPING ME FROM FUCKING THIS UP.
[DMLE]
So, I got an application from a werewolf. Could be a hoax but considering it was sent by owl I thought you might be able to track it to make sure? I've bribed the bastard to stay with a combination of fresh rats and bacon. Carry on!

Name: ________________
Age (check one):
                ___18-22
                ___22-25
                ___Predator
Species (check all that apply):
                ___Human
                ___Veela
                ___Hag
                ___Vampire
                ___Werewolf
                ___Other
How often do you shave? (check one):
                ___Every day
                ___4-6x’s a week
                ___1-3x’s a week
                ___I could out hair any lumberjack.
Number of teeth missing:
                ___I have all of them!
                ___Only a couple!
                ___I'm gumtastic!
                ___I have a few extras, JUST IN CASE!
Would your odor be offensive to others?
               ___Only if you have a nose!
               ___No!
Your chest:
             ___Padding, it's only a little lie.
             ___What you see is what you get. NO. Keep it CLASSY Philpott.
How far will you go on a first date (check one):
                ___You're lucky if I show you my face
                ___1^st  base
                      ___Lady
                      ___Prude
                ___2^nd base
                ___3^rd base
                ___Bow chicka wow wow!
Ideal date (check one):
                ___Chicken wings and a movie.
                ___Expensive dinner and romantic stroll.
                ___One with no talking.
How much you expect a man to spend on a date (check one):
                ___I’m progressive, let me pay.
                ___Hope you emptied your bank account.
                ___Enough to cover the basics.
How flexible do you expect a man to be?
                ___You can suck your ow Loosey Goosey.
                ___The ability to tie your own shoelaces would be nice.
                ___Not at all, let me do all the work.

Please give a brief description of your intentions with me:_____________________________________________

Please attach a photo taken of you in the last month. No groups shots, unless you're applying as a group. Thank you for your interest in dating me. I'm sure you all have some redeeming quality, even if I don't pick you.

My little man dances while bathing like I do. I'm so proud of you, Rufus. A little weirded out that you keep insisting on the pink brushes, but whatever makes you happy.

( Also, a picture of his cousin Ferdinand. )

On another note, ATTENTION LADIES, given the high demand of interest in having me as a Valentine, I will once again be implementing an application process. The application should be circulating shortly so be on the lookout. It does require a recent picture. No cheating. Group shots are also discouraged, unless you are applying as a group. Thank you.

You fuckers ruined pie for me.

PIE.

Okay, maybe not forever but at least for a week. That was my only source of fruit, twats.

Oh, laaaaaaaadies!

I'm drunk and emotionally vulnerable. Who wants to take advantage of me?

Know how to tell when you've had a good night? When you wake up on the floor, still drunk and missing the last eight hours of your life. It also helps to have a nice solid shit to remind you what you had to drink the night before.

Rum.

It's going to be a good year.

( Application for Arkie Philpott )